Well crud

In my research into goopeople, I noticed a near species-wide immunity to pants. This googuy, unable to refund his underpants purchase and having been referred to me in connection with the Marmalade incident, approached me about solving the problem. It seemed the only non-invasive accessories were fruits and dessert items which could interchange glucose on a cellular level and bind to their sticky tendrils, like gauze to a wound. One subject attempting to wear a sweater claimed it would never come off, and any clothing item which would sink in a vat of syrup behaved similarly on a gooperson. The Fruit Roll-Up tests failed for unknown reasons, but the search for sustainable goo-pants has been handed off to the Chicago Fashion Institute, where it will be studied at top priority.